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Jaane na kahaan wo duniya hai
jaane na wo hai bhi ya nahin
jahan meri zindagi mujhse
itni khafa nahin...?

Ghanta, Aal izz well =/

Since birth, i have been told that you should be a doctor. My gramma and grampa blackmailed me by saying u can even cure us and you know a 7 year old would really love to see her gramma running with her or something...idk :P
My dad always said, you be what u wanna...it doesnt matter. My mom agreed. But in recent years, she started stressing on being a doctor. Well i liked biology...no matter :D
But i know now that i have a fear of blood. And a fear of studying. And being a doctor implies both.
My cousin was discouraged of being one "because will be married early, and there is no point of delaying it for studies" even though she lives in Australia =/. My mom is the total opposite. She never mentions about my marriage, things she is accumulating for dowry and whatever, and this is a reaaaaaaaally awkward topic for me therefore. All she wants is me being a doctor.
Anyway, I had been stressing for a few weeks now how I did not want to be one. Telling her that i had a phobia of blood, how my body ached when i saw someone bleeding, how just the thought of studying blood components made me aware of every cell in my body, and how the smell made me die from inside of pain and misery. But she never understood, cuz she never has felt it. She thought it was temporary, my feeling, but as i grew older it has steadily increased, but its another thing that i never mention it.
My real passion is World Culture. Languages, art, literature, religion, ethics, traditions; things that vary from every tribe and town, which make up the conscience of the soul. Beauty at its purest form. That is my secret love.
A memory stuck in my head, when i think about how my dad would have thought about my choice, it seems, i remember that once in a book exhibition, i saw a wonderful set of fourteen indexed books, about each of the world cultures. I showed it to him. It was a seven thousand rupee set. He looked at me for an instant, and understood. He told the guy to wrap up the set, when i said i didnt want it. It seems he wouldn't have had a problem...
Still my mother thought it was a stupid subject. No respect, not a proper job, what will i do becoming a professor?
Finally having showed mom 3 Idiots, I asked her what she thought about me wanting to study World Culture. She said fine, do what you want with life. Strangely, it doesnt seem that i can anymore. A half-hearted fine doesn't work.
Made me wonder how many people have tired to change their parents' opinion by showing them movies, and then going ahead with what they want when they were successful. How did they get the strength?
Right now, im really hating Amir Khan for making movies that change perspectives. Because its making me feel guilty. Would have been better if i'd have got to hear that "fine" without any effort, when it really was a realization. What is the point of an artificial change of perspective when the heart still doesnt agree? And then once again, my aunt will come. Tell me, "Shiza you must specialize" and again mom will say aunty is right, what are you doing trying on culture? And we are back to square one.
And then there is no one to back me even. The entire family that i can rely on to give me good advice is mothers' side and they will all back her up.
And they debate that teens dont have real issues =/ An alone, confused, pressured teen is a big issue, chachoo.


SK

P.S: I'm not saying mom is wrong, she's just become afraid. And who wouldn't be?

Career Catapults =/

TO HELL with the boards in May...
TO HELL with physics...
TO HELL with Chemistry...
TO HELL with Math...
TO HELL with Biology...

What am I stressed about, if not boards then??
UNIVERSITY! :|

Right now at 6.05 am on 19th of February, 2010, the thing im most pissed at is Pakistani universities not recognizing the Cambridge board of education! I.E the board im in.
From a massed opinion i gather, that if i do my 12 and 13th/11th and 12th/1st and second year college from a cambridge board school, i will not get admission to Pakistani universities on account of equivalence issues, meaning that they have to cut off 10% from my percentile to make me equal to the lower standard of the Pakistani board!! Freaking hell?? Its not my fault that i study something proper??
ITS JUST EFFING LAME.

And its only for medical students.
What crime have we done??!!! Its the damned lawyers who are disrupting the country, we actually heal u :|

And now i have to deal with the confusion that i have only a 10% chance of university from my current board, while i have 90% from the Pakistani board, which i dont want to switch to because of standard issues! Plus the only good college in that board might just pick me for the evening shift, cuz they prefer ppl of their own SECT(wtf?!) which will just plain kill me.
And i cant even go abroad, cuz hey, there aint no Medical university there that a normal person cant afford!

WHY do i even HAVE to consider physics and math as an alternative? ENGINEERING! BLEH :|
I HATTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE U AAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKUUUUUUUU!!


P.S im considering this now only, cuz i need to take up subjects as well that match my under grad. :|